Wednesday, May 27, 2009


When we moved out of apartment living, one of the things I was most excited about is that our neighbors would be further away than sharing a wall with someone. Back then we didn't have horrible neighbors, we just had the old lady underneath us that I avoided at all costs (lonnnnggg story).

I've always heard people with these horrible neighbor stories, and I'd always think wow, well sucks for them because I've never experienced that! People can't be THAT bad!


We are surrounded by douchy neighbors. Not one, not two, but three (maybe more?)! I don't even think I'm being overly dramatic here, they each make me want to come over and punch them in the eye for very different reasons.

Neighbors #1: the gigantic family next door. These people are actually very nice, but they piss us off for other reasons. They have a 3-car garage and a driveway that could probably fit 4 cars across. Do they park cars in their garage? Nope. They do, however, park about 6 cars in their driveway and sometimes on their grass. Yes, apparently I live in Oildale. (No offense to those who live in Oildale who do not park in their lawn). They also park 3-4 cars on the street at all times, which almost always take up ALL THE PARKING SPACE in front of our house. I'd guess that at least 3 of these cars do not even run. I even saw a ticket on one of them once for that reason. Thankfully they got rid of their mini-doberman that used to run around the neighborhood and chase me up to my front door with it's scabies.

Neighbors #2: Douch-y family across the street. These people have never said a word to us, yet they are always outside. They always have BBQ's in their front yard. HELLO - we do have backyards, people! They also enjoy parking in front of our house, even when they have room for parking in front of theirs. Maybe if they'd move the half-pipe and trailer (with a scrunched up race car on it) out of their driveway they would not be so douch-y. Also, their little kids run around outside while they are being ridiculously profane. It's pretty sad to hear them drunkenly yelling EFF THIS AND THAT right in front of little kids.

Neighbors #3, the noisy teenagers(?) behind us. If you enjoy waking up at 2am on a Thursday to loud pool parties then you should definitely live in our house. This is not just your every-so-often house party, it's like multiple times a week. I feel like a grumpy old lady complaining about people having fun, but it's just a little ridiculous. I can hear their conversations about getting high from inside our house. SO ANNOYING.

Do you guys think I'm being overly annoyed with all of them? Do you have any past or present bad neighbors?

Apologies for using the word "douche" 80 times in this post!!!


Morgan said...

OMG, I'm sorry for laughing at your misfortunes, but this is so hilarious. SCABIES! I would be scarred for life.

Yes,as a matter of fact, we do have douchey neighbors. Ours likes to give their 3 year old baths at midnight, and 3 year old likes to bang on our bedroom wall for fun at all hours of the night. Bah humbug. No, but seriously… we need our sleep and take it very seriously!

Kyla Roma said...

This is so frustrating! As far as the pool parties go I AM that grouchy lady – I just call the non-emergency police line. There’s no use it just being upset if you can do something about it in my books.

Our neighbours are horrifying. They’ve threatened & attempted to intimidate us, called the police on us for standing on their ‘part of the backlane’ and launched I don’t know how many complaints with the city against us for doing work on our house. They verbally abused our house painters and the fence building crew we had out, and they threatened to let our puppies loose from our yard if we leave them out during the day. They also installed a web cam in the front & back of their house so they can record any time we’re on their property – which is never. It’s just absurd. Our solution: HUGE FENCE and avoiding eye contact.

I think that after this experience all our neighbors are going to seem uber-tame.

Mermanda said...

Punch them all in the eye! Do it! Or maybe you could be passive aggressive and start parking in front of their houses? And maybe call the cops on the loud pool parties? (anonymously of course.)

Freckles said...

First of all I kind of got a laugh at this too, but I'm not laughing at your pain. I don't even know what scabies are, but it sounds absolutely horrible. Both of our neighbors have dogs. Neighbor #1 let their two dogs roam the neighborhood and they bark right in your face. The one dog has a bigger bark than it should because it's a little chicken shit. Neighbor #2 has 2 great danes and 1 german shepard. They keep their great danes locked up in the yard right by our bedroom window and for some un-godly reason the male barks all the time. I feel your pain with douchy neighbors.

I don't know if I have commented with this name yet, but I'm Allison from As You Wish. Hi again!

Freckles said...

Oh and one more thing... I think you should "punch them in the jeans."

Joshley and The Charles said...

You poor thing!! I have had annoying neighbors in the past but never like that. You are not being over-dramatic..I totally think you have tons of reasons to be annoyed! You pay for your house just like they do and they need to be respectful to you (which they are not)!

*CPA* Su said...

OK Miss Oildale Basher!! LOL!!! No, I don't park on my lawn, but YES I have neighbors that do! :)

We have a couple of annoying neighbors and then a couple of months ago my ex's sister and her family moved in next door and oddly enough, they are the BEST neighbors ever!!

But yes, you do live in a nice area and it's really annoying that some people have to be so LAME! :)

Steph said...

I will never complain about Stan again. LOL. Actually no problems since that one day. And our other neighbor just put in a huge vineyard and chateau. So I'm devising ways to become their new best friend. No matter how old they are. Maybe I should ask if they're up for a game of dominos?

sarah marie p said...

Oh man, I totally feel your pain on the douchy neighbors. It's 2 a.m. or else I would go off ... but I'm too tired right now .. but I'll be back! I'm so sorry you're dealing with those crazies. I would go bananas about people parking on the lawn! GRRRR! Sometimes I really don't like people!

sarah marie p said...

Omg, and the kids bragging about getting high? Maybe you should be a tattletell and call the cops! Do it!

your wishcake. said...

The fact that you called your neighbors "douchey" totally made my day. Just so you know. :)

And I think all your frustrations are perfectly rational - what it comes down to is the fact that people simply have no common sense. Nor do they have common courtesy. LAME.

Also, the profanity thing would drive me insane. People being potty-mouths around kids makes me cry.