Two typical (almost daily) "conversations" that drive me NUTS!!!!
When answering the phone at work:
Caller: Can I speak with M please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
Caller: <insert company that is obviously a solicitor>
Me: He is not in his office right now, can I leave him a message?
Caller: That's not necessary, does he have a personal assistant?
Me: (thinking-wtf there is 4 people that work here) No he does not.
Caller: Well maybe you can help me, I need to verify your address.
Me: (thinking, if my boss would have taken the time for this call and you ask for address verification, he would be PO'd at you for wasting his time) Sure...
Caller: Okay, you are at <insert OLD office address here>
Caller: Okay I need your job title, are you the secretary?
Me: No, I guess you can put drafter.
Caller: Uh, what?
Me: Just put assistant.
Caller: <rambling about the call being recorded and something about a free subscription>
Me: Okay, bye!
When ordering in a drive-thru:
Worker: Order when ready.
Me: Okay can I get a Southern Style Chicken Sandwich and a side salad?
Worker: Southwest salad?
Me: No, <repeat order>.
Worker: Southern Chicken salad?
Me: <YELLING ORDER>
Worker: Southern sandwich then, is that all?
Me" ........and a SIDE SALAD!!!!